


Heard

by yet_intrepid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Biblical References, Father Figures, Free Will, Gen, Pre-Series, Religion, Religious Discussion, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 10:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2021568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yet_intrepid/pseuds/yet_intrepid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'Pastor Jim?' The big Bible is heavy in Sam’s hands. He holds it carefully in both hands, one finger stuck between the pages, as he comes into the study. 'Pastor Jim, are you working?'"</p><p>Sam starts worrying about free will young.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heard

“Pastor Jim?”

The big Bible is heavy in Sam’s hands. He holds it carefully in both hands, one finger stuck between the pages, as he comes into the study. “Pastor Jim, are you working?”

Pastor Jim turns in his chair. “Yes, but I’ve got time. What is it, Sam?”

Sam shrugs, indicating the Bible. “Well, uh, I was reading in here, and—I just had some questions.”

“There’s a lot of confusing stuff in that book.” Pastor Jim pulls out the other chair, the one Sam likes, and gestures to it with a little smile. “What were you reading?”

“First Samuel,” says Sam, ducking his head a little as he sits down and rests the Bible open on his knees. “Cause, you know, it’s always cool when something has the same name as you.”

Pastor Jim smiles again. “Sure. I mean, the book of James makes me feel pretty special. You find out what your name means? I think it’s in the footnotes of that copy.”

Sam nods. “It means  _heard by God_ ,” he says. “I like that. But—”

And he breathes in deep.

“But what, son?” says Pastor Jim.

Sam breathes out, careful and controlled. “Okay,” he says. “So, Hannah is all upset because she can’t have a baby, right? And she asks God to give her a baby, and says that if he does then the kid will belong to God. But that’s—it’s really not fair to Samuel, is it? That he never gets to know his mom, and has to live in the temple with Eli the priest, because she made a promise?”

“Well, Sam,” Pastor Jim begins, “it was a great honor in their culture to be dedicated to God and to live in the temple. It wasn’t…”

“But what if Samuel didn’t want it?” Sam interrupts. “What if he didn’t want to be special? What if he just wanted to be a normal boy who lived with his parents and went to the temple once a year? I mean, I know he grew up to be a famous prophet who loved God and all that, but—didn’t he get a choice?”

“Of course he had a choice about loving God. Read just a little further and you’ll find the story of Eli’s sons, who grew up in the temple and decided they didn’t want to love God at all; they’d rather use being priests to take advantage of people.”

“But what if Samuel just wanted to be something else, though? Like a carpenter, or a farmer?” Sam fidgets with the pages of the Bible. “What if he didn’t want to hurt anyone, so he wasn’t like Eli’s sons, but if he’d had an option he would have just, you know, been an ordinary person, with a house and a family?”

“Sam,” says Pastor Jim, and Sam looks up at him, almost afraid. But Pastor Jim’s voice stays comforting and calm. “Sam, God’s never forced anyone to do his work. He’s not interested in having people follow his orders against their will. What does Jesus say is the most important thing?  _Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength_. That means that God’s interested in your emotions, your beliefs, your thoughts, and your actions. Not just you obeying. If God’s interested in all those parts of a person, that means he didn’t make Samuel become a prophet. And it means that he didn’t just hear Hannah. He heard Samuel too.”

Sam looks down, not sure what to say.

“He listens to you too, Sam,” Pastor Jim adds, quietly.

“That makes two people,” says Sam, with a bitter half-laugh. “Him and you. And Dean about once a month.”

He closes the Bible and gets up, starts to walk away. But then he stops. “Is God—is God always right?” he asks abruptly, turning to look at Pastor Jim. “Because, I mean, my dad, he wouldn’t agree on the whole  _emotions and thoughts and beliefs_  thing. For Dad, the only thing that matters is following orders, whether we want to or not. And I know it’s important to be a hunter and save people’s lives; I know that! It’s just that I wish—”

He breaks off and glances away. “You wish what?” asks Pastor Jim.

“I wish I had a choice,” says Sam. “I wish Dad was interested in the parts of my life that aren’t shooting guns and picking locks and researching monsters. And he isn’t, and you say God is, and so…who’s right, Pastor Jim? Who’s right, Dad or God?”

And then there’s a hand on his shoulder, an arm around him.

“I can’t tell you what to believe,” Pastor Jim says. “But I can tell you what I think, Sam Winchester, and I think that every part of you matters.”

Sam closes his eyes and breathes. For a moment, he feels earth and heaven listening.


End file.
